I wish fathers loved better

I have grown up watching them 
and movies of them 
and tv shows of them 
and read stories of them 
All sacrificing themselves for their notions of
Their community
Their world
Their children and family
Their freedom

Willing to provide
To protect
To kill
To die 
But few willing to really live

I have seen fathers bear the weight and burden of living 
day after day after day
I have seen them ground down
Working themselves 
And being worked 
To death

I have seen fathers hold close 
their grief and rage and tears
Standing firm and tall 
Holding their hearts in a vice grip 
Do not cry do not cry do not cry
I have seen them drink and drug and debate and fight
Even those they say they love
All to hide the pain
To hide everything

I come from those fathers

But I am not a father like that

My strength is not based on who I can defeat
Proving that I'm better 
My courage is not in facing death
Willing to die for my cause
My serenity is not from hiding and pretending all is fine
Calm in the numbing, the avoiding
The silencing or the not caring 

Feel all of who you are
Live awake and sober 
Even in a world designed to make you forget 
A world built to grind away any semblance of personhood
Love tenderly
Cry easily
Laugh deep and pure with your belly shaking and your face open to the sun

Hold close your children
Letting your heart be open to their love 
A love which is exponentially greater than anything you could ever imagine existing
Let it in
All of it
Let your heart break as it fills and grows beyond its capacity
Beyond what you had ever thought possible
Beyond what you had ever allowed yourself to feel

Cause love is scary

It's the place where tender dreams and hopes are born 
And broken and get pushed away 
To get on with the tasks and to-dos of the day to day
Love is the place where we are exposed and confused 
Where we protected ourselves from
Yet where we longed to be seen and heard and held
And came back to again and again
Cause maybe this time would be different

So have the strength, courage and serenity that lets love be the guide

Love yourself in the work you do
Love yourself in the way you play and laugh and rejoice
Love your god, gods, goddesses
Love your ancestors
Love your lovers
Love your friends
Love your body
Love your wholeness and your parts
Love your ability to feel, anything 
Love yourself in your fumbles 
Love yourself every time you get back up
Love your longings 
Love your breath and the chance you have to come back to yourself again and again
Love this precious life and this precious journey
Love the endings and beginnings
Births and deaths
The changes everyday 
All the time
For that's all we have

Let something emerge from that love
Water it, hold it
Nourish it and see what it has to offer you
And what you have to offer this life
Love these questions
Love these curiosities
Love yourself
And walk in the world with your tenderness
Your preciousness
Your heart 
More open than you ever thought possible

I will meet you there