Something’s digging at me
Something in the deep dark
Heavy and relentless
Yet somehow surrounded by beauty
Surrounded by light
Wonder and magic
Surrounded by sacred forests and rivers and mountains

Its in there
That something
It confuses my speech
Gangles my heart and I'm lost as I talk about my dad and his dad and his dad and his dad
All of these fathers pushing something along
Pulling something along

I don't understand it but I begin to feel it 
The rhythm of it
I begin to see it
Begin to see them
Backs bent 
Arms and necks and legs 
Straining to keep it moving
Sweat on black skin 
Dripping off of furrowed brows
Pouring down worked bodies and work clothes 
Dirty and worn through
Rolling this thing from the deep dark 
Pushing it 
Pulling it  
Heavy and relentless
On train tracks stretching to the horizon

These fathers
Forgot they were sons
Forgot their heartbreak 
Now, they work together
Forever and ever
Never resting 
Never saying “Enough”
Never saying enough

“Just keep pushing 
Pulling
In sync
Together
Find the rhythm
Come
Do as I do
Move it along
Get it further on down the line
It’s our duty 
For all of us 
For the future 
For our children 
Our beloveds
Our people
Don't lose sight
Keep going 
Don't look up
Don't look round
Keep pushing 
Pulling
Just one foot in front of the other”

I feel the rhythm calling
Feel it heavy and relentless
But where are the children
The beloveds
The people
All I can see are Fathers
The tracks
The weight
Their arms and legs 
And backs
Strained and bent
Ropes wrapped around fists
Slick with blood and sweat
Binding them to this thing
Heavy and relentless
The tracks shiny and sweaty
Like their bodies
Forged from blood and sweat 
Hammered into shape
Set on a path 
Straight and narrow and vanishing into the future

This is what they are calling me to join
This is the burden they tell me is mine 
Is in my sweat and blood
Is in brotherhood
In fatherhood

They say
“This is what we have chosen to do
Been chosen to do
You are built for this 
Strong and committed
Like us
Join us
Push it along
Pick up the rope
Pull it
Towards the horizon
The future
Step by step
Together
We can’t lose our momentum 
We can’t quit 
It is heavy and relentless”

I speak to them finally
Nervous
“I see you and I see how far you’ve come”
They interrupt
“No” they say
“Don’t” they say
I speak again 
“I see you and how far you’ve come
I'm not sure that path is for me
I'm not sure it’s is for you
I'm not sure it’s for anyone
I see how far you’ve come
But where are you
Where are your children 
Your beloveds
Your people
Where are your fathers
Where are your sons”

They pause in their pushing and pulling
At a truth they have always known
But could not carry
They wipe their brows 
Lean against the thing that has dug at us all
Heavy and relentless
They drop and sit on the rails 
Heads down 
Chests heaving 

Fathers look around and squint at the sun
Turn and squint at their sons
Turn and squint at their fathers
They turn to me
I think they judge me 
Think I'm not courageous enough
Strong enough
Committed enough
To take on this burden
Heavy and relentless
I think they say
“So you think you know something”
But they don't 

They come to me
Hold me 
Hug me 
Cry and laugh with me
Pick me up in their pride and joy
Dance with me
Pray with me
And with light hearts
They step into me 
Tall and small 
Bent over and upright
And we turn
Together
Away from the tracks vanishing towards a future
Away from the thing heavy and relentless
Towards a sacred forest that has lined these tracks 
Unseen until now
A forest that has yearned to reclaim us
Repair us
Welcome us
We step onto the soft earth 
A new path
An old path
Leading us home
Together